My Heart Beats Again

Today is my 27th birthday. And yes, I realize I have not written a blog post since July. Some of that is due to the fact that I still don’t have many updates regarding my health, but also because life happens pretty quickly and sometimes a break is necessary. Every time my birthday comes around, I go into reflection mode. Looking back at this year, I realize I’ve experienced an immense amount of growth. I know I say this every year, but this one just feels different.

In regards to my health, I met with a new doctor at University of Utah Health in September and she calmed a lot of my fears about going into another flare. She didn’t want to make any medication changes right now, but rather get some more tests done to determine how severe my inflammation is first. She said fluctuations like this are normal with this disease, which was so so good to hear. I have still been feeling good overall, other than having a few bad days here and there. I meet with my Reno doctor in December to re-evaluate and go from there. I pray every day that I can stave off this supposed imminent flare.

I traveled to Boston in October for a work conference. It was my first time there and I absolutely loved it! I was terrified to go given the unstable nature of my health at the moment. I had to pack my Humira since I was due for my injection while I was away and luckily did not have any issues with packing or traveling with my pen. I did end up getting some sort of food poisoning from the airport on my way home, but I bounced back pretty quick. Traveling always reminds me that I tend to get really comfortable in my little bubble at home, but there is such a beautiful world out there that must be explored.

I accomplished so much this past year that I am proud of. I bought my first home in March. I traveled to a new place that was on my bucket list. I tried new things that scare me a little bit (going to the gun range, riding a motorcycle!). I’ve prioritized my health and exercise to be in what feels like the best shape of my life. I joined the board of a non-profit. I’ve explored my faith independently. I’ve lost friends and I’ve reconnected with the ones that matter. I’ve opened up my heart again.

A year ago, I was experiencing one of the most challenging, low points of my life. It did affect me for quite some time mentally and emotionally. It still does to this day, but not as much as it used to. I had to learn to give myself permission to let it go and move forward with my life. And there has been so much beauty that has come from that.

I had my music on shuffle this morning and the song “Tell Your Heart to Beat Again” by Danny Gokey came on. I’ve listened to this song a million times before, but this time I stopped to really listen to the lyrics. It brought me to tears because that is what this year has felt like for me. I usually hate when my birthday comes around because it means I’m another year older and time is fleeting, but this time I’m filled with hope and excitement about this next chapter of my life. I can’t help but feel an immense sense of gratitude to be alive, to be healthy today, and to be loved.

“Your story’s far from over, and your journey’s just begun. So tell your heart to beat again.“