I just finished reading a book called Bittersweet by Susan Cain and felt compelled to write about it. Susan Cain is one of my favorite authors, so when I found this book at the bookstore it was an easy buy. I read her previous book Quiet about a year ago and it really spoke to me. Cain’s research focuses on the power of introverts and how introverts are actually more creative – they just need to be given the time and space to do so.
As a closet introvert, this really hit home for me. We always hear negative characteristics associated with introverts such as shyness, quiet, reserved, scared to speak up. But being an introvert doesn’t have to be a bad thing. The premise of Cain’s book Bittersweet is how sorrow and longing make us whole. I was drawn to this title because I do feel like I view things through a bittersweet lens, especially having been through serious life changes.
In her book, Cain says that “emotional setbacks instill an extra degree of grit and perseverance, which some people apply to their creative efforts.” We should view life transitions as doorways to creative awakening. Having been diagnosed with UC over five years ago, I can confidently say that while it was tough in the beginning, it did bring out a different, more creative side of me. I began putting my thoughts into words, created this blog, and decided I wanted to write a book to help others. It gave me a new direction and unlocked potential that I didn’t know I had in me.
It so happens that very few people grow from success. People grow from failure. They grow from adversity. They grow from pain.
Susan Cain, Bittersweet p. 226
Cain also talks about seven skills for coping with loss – which definitely caught my attention as someone with a chronic illness. The first five skills involve acceptance of the bitter. We need to first acknowledge the loss, embrace the emotions that come with it, accept all our feelings, expect to feel overwhelmed at times, and watch out for unhelpful thoughts such as “I should be over this,” and “Life is unfair.” The final two steps involve connecting with what matters. Accepting the pain of loss can help point you to the people and principles that matter most to you and the meaning in your life. Loss is an opportunity to carry what is most meaningful toward a life worth living.
Believe me, I’ve had my moments of saying that life is not fair. Loss is something that we are all going to face at some point in life. I know I wouldn’t be who I am today without the loss that I have faced. Once we accept the bitter, we can really transcend our lives and find true meaning, while also taking with us the people and things that matter the most.
People with bittersweet tendencies have an acute awareness of time, senses of longing, sorrow, joy, recognition of the light and the dark. Maybe this is how we need to approach chronic illness. We feel the pain in our darkest moments, but also find the joy in the little wins. We can look through the bittersweet lens to find comfort and turn it into something beautiful. We can only grow from the pain and I am living proof of that.
Ask yourself, What or whom have you lost? Where is that separation pointing you? How can you turn it into meaning?
P.S. Thank you, Susan Cain, for your incredible work and research into this topic. I highly recommend her books!
Turning Wellness into a Lifestyle 